This is dedicated to my father, shown below.
You know how it is with fathers and sons. That macho thing that keeps us from saying what’s in our heart to our fathers. I learned the hard way that you may miss the chance to say what you feel.
My father had a stroke when he was sixty seven. At the time, we lived in a town about an hour and a half away. As soon as I was called, I went to visit him in the hospital. When I arrived, he was conscious and clearly could understand everything that was going on around him, but couldn’t talk. Based on what the attending physician said, he was certainly not on his death bed, but as I stood next to his bed and held his hand I was thinking I should tell him how much I loved him and that I appreciated everything he did for me while I was growing up. There was so much I wanted to say, but the words seemed to be stuck in my throat. On the drive home I decided I would tell him the next time I visited.
The next day I got a call at work telling me that my father had passed away. Did he know that I loved him? I hope so, but maybe not because of our relationship after he left my mother for a family friend and a few things that happened after I got married. The fact is that he was always there for me when I was a kid and I let him down when he needed a lousy hundred bucks until his social security check arrived. I had the money, but didn’t give it to him. Back then, a $100 was a good amount of money, but he must have really needed it to humiliate himself by asking. Was he thinking about that when he looked up at me? Was he disappointed in me as he lay on his deathbed? I will never know, but I do know that I still think about it to this very day.
I decided that I would never make the same mistake again. And I haven’t.
Don’t pass-up the opportunity to tell loved ones how you feel about them now, not later, as you never know what the future holds. And if you are sorry for something you did, apologize and ask for forgiveness. You may not get the chance and it could haunt you forever.
Tags: Advice, Love, Social Behavior
Something like this happened to me, except it was my big brother. We fought a lot as kids and then had a really big fight after he graduated from University. We stopped talking to each other. He was killed in a car crash. I feel so empty inside.
You hit the spot here. I had a similar experience about two years ago. My father died when I was driving to the hospital. He may have been hard to deal with at times, but he was a good Dad. I miss him so much.
I love you Dad.
Robert