Great Truths of Life

Little Children Have Learned:

• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
• When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
• Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• You shouldn’t hide food in your drawer because you Mom will eventually find it.
• Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
• To be careful where they trick or treat. (Click To See)

Adults Have Learned:

• Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
• Wrinkles don’t hurt.
• Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
• Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
• Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

About Growing Old:

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health food. We need all the preservatives we can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
• You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It’s very frustrating when you finally know most of the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

The Four Stages of Live:

• You believe in Santa Claus.
• You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
• You are Santa Claus.
• You look like Santa Claus.

Success:

• At age 4 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
• At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
• At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver’s license.
• At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
• At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
• At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license.
• At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

Tags: Funny