Bill Zeller, Dead At Age 27

I don’t usually post things like this on my blog, but this story and Bill’s suicide note touched me so deeply I feel compelled to do so.

Bill was found in his Princeton University apartment by Public Safety officers at about 6 a.m. on January 2nd, shortly after he attempted to take his own life.

Brain damage due to oxygen deprivation left him in a coma at University Medical Center at Princeton until the evening of Jan. 5, when he was removed from life support.

He left behind a 4,000-word suicide note, which began: “I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I’ll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision.” In the note, he described how repeated sexual abuse as a young child haunted him for the rest of his life, causing regular nightmares and limiting his ability to connect with others.

“This has affected every aspect of my life,” he wrote. “This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me.”

Bill published the note on his personal website and e-mailed it to friends Sunday morning. Minutes later, first responders discovered him in his apartment.

According to his note, he never discussed the incidents of his childhood with anyone, including professionals, because he felt unable to fully trust others. He had been seriously contemplating suicide for at least one year and began drafting the note last winter.

Posts about Bill’s death on the prominent technology blog Gizmodo and the online communityMetaFilter have drawn hundreds of comments, including testimony from those who use his programs.

Note: Bill requested that his note be republished in full, rather than excerpted. It can be found on his personal website at documents.from.bz/note.txt. In case this site is taken down, I have posted the full version here for your reference.

May Bill finally rest in peace.

Tags: Shame