The following questions were supposedly asked in last year’s GED examination and are are supposed to be genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………

Unfortunately, when you see what the schools are graduating as educated, it is easy to believe that some kids would actually answer questions this way.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..(WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie. (This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Cesarean section’.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.(Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

For those out there who haven’t figured it out yet, THIS IS A JOKE!

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30 Comments on Actual GED Exam Answers

  1. David Fatta says:

    These are funny, but this cannot be legitimate. The GED Exam questions are all multiple choice or essay. No open ended questions like this are used.

  2. KLF says:

    David, I agree. Funny and fictional. Somebody had fun writing this piece and, unfortunately, now people think it’s real…

  3. Public Education At Its Best! says:

    See, if this is real then, Public Education is a certifiable FAILURE to the future of this Country! Bankers love it because, they can get cheap, ignorant, and stupid people to fill their gold chests….all for pennies!

    So, don’t laugh at the kids…have hatred for Wall St., the Government, and the parents who, support this fiasco!

  4. TheHolyCrow says:

    Those kids must belong to the Pepsi Generation….they got FIZZ for brains.

    ***************************************************************

  5. Stupid and fake says:

    While i agree the public school system is designed to pump out retards. I have to say, this is completely fake bullshit.

    It becomes blindly apparent after the first 3-4 questions.

  6. Lucinda says:

    They may be test questions, but not from GED test. I used to help administer Practice GED tests, so I know for a fact that questions are all multiple choice and the only test that is not multiple choice is an essay test (at in my home state they are). Unfortunately, people will believe what they read and soon this urban legend emailed to me by a well meaning friend.

  7. Lucinda says:

    One should never try to write when surrounded by children…lol… Here is the corrected version: They may be test questions, but not from the GED test. I used to help administer practice GED tests so I know for a fact that the questions are all multiple choice except for one essay question(at least in my home state). Unfortunately people will believe what they read and soon this urban legend will be emailed to me by a well-meaning friend.

  8. Von says:

    YEAH!!! SCORE ONE FOR AMERICA!! F*** YOU REST OF THE WORLD!

    **sarcasm of course**

  9. Karloff says:

    Why is an apostrophe used in the phrase,”(from 16 year olds’)”? Guess the writer flunked the “GED test”!

  10. shoelesshunter says:

    question posed to 16 yr. old [daughter of my vet.]who’s buried in grant’s tomb?answer:how would i know that.new mantra :don’t trust anyone under thirty.

  11. Eric-Gunther:Oberhauser says:

    Anyone who sends their offspring to one of these public indoctrination centers deserves what he gets. AN IDIOT.

  12. Evan H says:

    Totally believable.  Useless, over-paid teachers, yet another violation of our rights.  Add it to the list of gov’t violations of our right:
    They violate the 1st Amendment by placing protesters in cages, banning books like “America Deceived II” and censoring the internet.
    They violate the 2nd Amendment by confiscating guns.
    They violate the 4th and 5th Amendment by molesting airline passengers.
    They violate the entire Constitution by starting undeclared wars for foreign countries.
    Impeach Obama and sweep out the Congress, except Ron Paul.
    (Last link of Banned Book):
    http://www.iuniverse.com/Books.....-000190526

  13. David Palmer says:

    Those answers can’t be real because I found them through the comedian Jeff Rense.

  14. Snake says:

    Why not show the entire list….instead of a fabrication?

    Redneck medical Terms

    A pubic hair is a type of wild rabbit.
    Asphalt describes rectal problems.
    A condom is a large apartment.
    Douche is the French word for “twelve.
    Genitals are people of non-Jewish descent.
    A diaphragm is a drawing in Geometry.
    Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
    An erection is when Japanese people vote.
    A dildo is a variety of the sweet pickle.
    An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
    Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
    A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
    The clitoris is a type of flower.
    Testacles are found on an octopus.
    Kotex is a radio station in Cincinatti.
    Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
    Benign……..What you be after you be eight.
    Artery…… The study of paintings.
    Bacteria…..Back door to cafeteria.
    Barium……..What doctors do when patients die.
    Cesarean Section….A neighborhood in Rome.
    CATscan………………..Searching for kitty.
    Cauterize………………Made eye contact with her.
    Colic…………………….. A sheep dog.
    Coma………………………A punctuation mark.
    D & C……………………..Where Washington is.
    Dilate……………………. To live long.
    Enema……………………..Not a friend.
    Fester…………………….Quicker than someone else.
    Fibula……………………..A small lie.
    Genital…………………….Non-Jewish person.
    G.I. Series………………World Series of military baseball.
    Hangnail………………….What you hang your coat on.
    Impotent…………………Distinguished, well known.
    Labor Pain……………….Getting hurt at work.
    Medical Staff…………A Doctor’s cane.
    Morbid……………………A higher offer than I bid.
    Nitrates…………………..Cheaper than day rates.
    Node………………………..I knew it.
    Outpatient………………A person who has fainted.
    Pap Smear……………….A fatherhood test.
    Pelvis……………………….Second cousin to Elvis.
    Post Operative………..A letter carrier.
    Recovery Room………..Place to do upholstery.
    Rectum……………………..Damn near killed him.
    Secretion………………….Hiding something.
    Seizure……………………..Roman emperor.
    Tablet……………………….A small table.
    Terminal Illness………..Getting sick at the airport.
    Tumor………………………..More than one.
    Urine…………………………Opposite of you’re out.
    Varicose…………………….Near by/close by.

  15. Madeleine says:

    No way this is real. Why?  Because the wrong answers are too sophisticated in their wrongness to be actual wrong answers.  The answer about what causes the tides was the dead giveaway right there.  “A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.”  Please. The 16 year old GED candidate is too stupid to understand how tides are caused….but understands how to correctly use the word “abhors” and how to spell it?  Riiiiiiight.

    Anybody who buys into this is even stupider than the fake kids!

  16. Joel says:

    Fake and lame.

  17. dave neve says:

    It does not matter whether any of this is true.
    It is the best humour I have seen in a long time and after the terrible week I have had, just what I needed. Thankyou

  18. misterned says:

    After I had already secured my place on a college course, regardless of the outcome of one of my subjects, I filled in all the exam questions in this sort of way. This was not through stupidity, (as the subject involved was not one I needed at all, and I have not needed it at all in the 30 years since), but through boredom and a desire to find my funny answers later read out on TV as an example of “real answers to examination questions”.

    I passed all my other courses.  I thought the people marking this particular the exam may want a bit of a laugh.

  19. Chip McCarthy says:

    Many of these I have seen before. They are from a book titled “The Omnibus Boners”, printed in 1931, and illustrated by Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss). Many of the examples cite the school they came from, and some attribute the actual student.

    First example in book: Acrimony, sometimes called holy, is another name for marriage.

    And, from the last page: To make a tail-light red, you put red oil in the battery.

  20. Janie Jones says:

    My father was the principal of an elementary school who also taught science. He used to get us to mark tests and sometimes the kid’s answers were hilarious. One I remember asked how fossils were formed and asked that the children illustrate their answer with a diagram. One kid replied that fossils were formed by “dinosaurs falling into big pits” followed by a lovely four part diagram of a dinosaur falling into a pit.

  21. jack says:

    wow…for all of you ‘rocket scientists’ that are calling this fake, i hate to break the news to you…these were one of the answers that were being provided to CHECK if you thought it was the correct answer on the multiple choice exams…the author of this post was simply showing you what THEY(the students) had believed to be true…

    • rbkobe says:

      Hey Mr. “Rocket Scientist”, the GED is actually a very intensive test that is quite serious–and yes, it’s multiple choice. They do not offer such possible answers as “Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.”

      It is a joke, and as has already been mentioned, many of these originated in various humorous materials, such as the Omnibus Boners, and have absolutely nothing to do with the GED or any other real academic test. If you seriously think these would be the answers provided in an actual academic test, it looks like the joke is on you.

  22. Aurora says:

    These are not real.  The GED test questions are done in multiple choice.

  23. Lee says:

    Oh please, can’t you see this is a joke and is meant to be funny? Maybe the real problem is that this country no longe has a funny bone.

  24. Bigbeansoup says:

    Are people in this country so desperate for entertainment that they are willing to believe any bit of ignorant BS that gets printed???  There is an age requirement on the GED test…16 year olds can’t take it!

  25. tisha says:

    omg ppl are soo dumb!! that is not how the test goes i took the real ged test someone is trying to be cute

  26. Please me all the aswers

  27. .nathalie says:

    U guys don t have to curse people out. If u want to pass the ged u neef to go to dcjp

  28. .nathalie says:

    Go to schoolllllllll.

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